Monday, October 30, 2006

NBA Preseason Rankings - Part 4 of 5

It's that time of year where everybody is releasing their NBA preseason rankings. I've never seen a preseason ranking that was indicative of how they rank at the end of the season, but I can assure you that my rankings will stay just about the same ALL year. That's because I'm ranking according to how much I respect them(1), or how little I respect them(30). In part 4 of 5, I'll rank teams 7-12.

7. Minnesota Timberwolves- Kevin Garnett is awesome. The new Gatorade Rain commercial with him hatching from a basketball scares me a little. The graphic nature of it petrified me the first time I saw it. However, the other commercial with him, Peyton Manning and Derek Jeter as little kids with big heads is Super Bowl worthy. "Shut your big head up!"

8. Seattle SuperSonics- I never liked the Sonics until they got Ray Allen. When asked what his goal was in his first season at Seattle he said, "I want to become more popular than coffee!" Funny guy. If you ever play NBA '05, be the Sonics. Ray Allen, Vladimir Radmanovic, and Rashard Lewis all shoot 75% from the 3-point line! Oh, and props to all of you Seattleites for telling the owner of the Sonics to shove it when he wanted tax payers to pay for the construction of a new arena. Talk about a millionaire cheapskate.

9. Los Angeles Clippers- The fact that the Clippers were in the dumps for so long and now are so good makes you like them. I feel it all goes back to Elton Brand, one of the few Duke players to not be a NBA bust. The only reason why the Clippers are so low is that "antman" Sam Cassell. What a coniving little fake. Here's a defense tip for anybody guarding Cassell; don't get your hands near his face or he'll drop to the floor screaming and grabbing his eye like you poked it right out!

10. Philadelphia 76ers- It's sad that Allen Iverson has never been surrounded with any talent. Well, basketballwise that is. Kyle Korver is good at looking like Ashton Kutcher. It's a shame that AI was passed over in favor of Chris Paul for the USA team at the World Championships this past summer. Iverson wasn't even allowed to tryout, lame! If AI never wins a NBA Championship, he can rest assured that Air Jordans will always take a backseat to his shoes.

11. New Jersey Nets- Was it Vince Carter that made wearing tights popular in the NBA? After dunking over that 7-2 guy from France in the 2000 Olympics, he can do whatever he wants in my mind. I really wish that New Jersey would stop choking and utilize the talent that they have.

12. Orlando Magic- Okay, so the Steve Francis/Tracy McGrady trade was horrendous. I'm not too sure how signing Darko Milicic will end up for them either. Going into this season he is averaging 1.5 point per game! But, they made good with the Puerto Rican community in signing Carlos Arroyo. I heard there is a petition going around Orlando to change the team name to the Orlando "Majica." If this ranking was based on their team mascot, the Magic would definitely be in the bottom five with the teams that don't even have a mascot. Their mascot looks like Gonzo on crack! What is coming out of his nose?

No comments: