Tuesday, October 31, 2006

NBA Preseason Rankings - Part 5 of 5

It's that time of year where everybody is releasing their NBA preseason rankings. I've never seen a preseason ranking that was indicative of how they rank at the end of the season, but I can assure you that my rankings will stay just about the same ALL year. That's because I'm ranking according to how much I respect them(1), or how little I respect them(30). In part 5 of 5, I'll rank teams 1-6.

1. Utah Jazz- Are you really surprised by this one? The Jazz may not be the greatest basketball players, but they are darn good guys. The second DeShawn Stevenson raped that girl back in 2001, I knew he was gone. Last year when Robert Whaley got into a domestic dispute, I knew he was gone too. You have to respect a team where winning is not the most important thing, and that is not something that only losers say. "How 'bout them Jazz?!"

2. Miami Heat- Dwayne Wade should be the new face of the NBA, not LeBron James, not Kobe Bryant. He has outstanding sportsmanship, is married with a kid, plays with heart, and has a very active role in his community. What a stud! Since Shaq left the Lakers, I've taken notice that he isn't that bad either. Alonzo Mourning's story is every bit as good as Jerome Bettis of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Have you seen the Lincoln Navigator commercial with Dwayne Wade where he puts up a basketball hoop in a neighborhood and then gives the coach the Navigator and the players all basketballs? I'm lead to believe that's not far from the truth in any way. Those pink and orange uniforms have got to go, though.

3. Phoenix Suns- Hallelujah! Steve Nash no longer looks like a wet sewer rat! The new hair looks good, his stock is rising now. Whoever is on the PA at Suns games has the best job ever elongating such names as Amare Stoudemire, Shawn Marion, Boris Diaw, Eric Piatkowski, Raja Bell, and Leandro Barbosa. It's too bad they traded away the rights to Rajon Rondo. Has anybody ever seen a gorilla in Phoenix outside of US Airways Center and the zoo? Just wondering.....

4. Cleveland Cavaliers- I'm glad that Sprite changed their commercial concept with LeBron James. I remember the old commercials with Karl Malone and David Robinson, they were quite misleading. Here's how the commercials would go: Karl Malone/David Robinson are playing basketball and not playing well. Karl Malone/David Robinson go to the sideline and chug a 20 oz. Sprite. Karl Malone/David Robinson go back onto the court and dominate. Yeah, I tried that once, I ended up on the ground in the fetal position screaming of cramps. I don't drink Sprite anymore.

5. Houston Rockets- Thank goodness that the "EA Sports Madden Curse" does not hold true for the NBA. Every player that has graced the cover of a Madden game since 2001 has either ended the season injured or had a horrible season. As Tracy McGrady dons the cover of NBA Live '07, lets hope that he has his first healthy season in a long time or he just might start the "EA Sports NBA Live Curse." Who wants to make a bet on how long it takes Yao Ming to say a complete coherent sentence in English? Karl Malone still can't.....

6. Washington Wizards- Did you know that Gilbert Arenas has a huge tiger face tattooed on his chest? His belly button is on the chin of the tiger. It's one of those tattoos where you wonder if he was drunk when he got it or an alternative to putting a girlfriends name on his arm that he knew he was going dump. Regardless, Arenas is an awesome player and has single handedly lifted the Wizards to a playoff caliber team in the East. Given, it doesn't take much to make the playoffs in the East, but Arenas is good. I got a kick out of the Wizards two years ago when they had a party for advancing to the second round of the playoffs with shirts and champagne. They stooped to the levels of Major League Baseball, ugh.

3 comments:

Brittney said...

Jeff, it seems rather cliche that you chose the Jazz as your most respected team--I was hoping you would choose something a little less predictable...like the Rangers or the Red Wings--wait. Wrong sport. I apologize. Actually, those choices would definitely be less predictable...just something to think about.

Sam said...

Really, the Jazz? I don't know much about sports, but I do think they should change their name to The Utah Saints, or The Utah Pioneers, or something more fitting.

Anonymous said...

Go Jazz! I agree with you 100%; the Jazz are on a roll this year!